The Vault at Bruno's Bar and Grill — Where Dignity Goes to Die & Fun Is Born
- Joanne Guzman
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
(A Bruno’s Passport to Fun Story)
If Cloud 9 is Jo’s ethereal rooftop baby, then The Vault is her chaotic, glitter-covered middle child who swears, drinks bourbon, and refuses to follow rules.
It ties for first place in her heart…but only because you can’t technically rank your children publicly.
Before the Glow-Up
Picture this:
A dingy little pub that looked like the set of a 1991 Midwest bowling alley commercial.
Too much oak.
Too much red velvet.
Too much stained glass featuring… parrots??
(Who approved the Parrot Era? We may never know.)
It had:
A bar so cramped only one bartender could work—and only if they breathed in.
Random soda machines shoved into corners like time-out children.
No dishwasher (just hopes and prayers).
A kegerator that was trying its best.
Events maybe twice a month… and even that felt ambitious.
It screamed:
“Cheers… but make it exhausted.”
Jo vs. The Vault: Round 1
Jo stared at this over-oaked time capsule for MONTHS.
She begged customers for ideas.
Friends for ideas.
Strangers for ideas.
The ceiling fan for ideas.
But she kept circling back to one thing:
Speakeasy.
Because there wasn’t one in Scotts Valley.
Or the San Lorenzo Valley.
Or within a 15-mile radius unless you count “that time your neighbor’s garage felt kinda mysterious.”
And nothing motivates Jo more than giving people something they didn’t know they desperately needed.
Step One: Eviction
The soda machine?
Relocated to The Jim’s Secret Upstairs Kitchen.
(Yes… there’s another kitchen. Surprise! Bruno’s lore runs deep.)
Two shiny beer coolers rolled in like the new kids in school.
A dishwasher finally appeared—angels sang.
And then Jo said the magic words:
“ADD. THE. GLAM.”
Dark ceilings.
Chandeliers.
Velvet.
Sparkly fireplace tiles that whisper,“Rent is due but I’m still THAT girl.”
Jo wanted magic. Adults-only magic.
The kind where you drink something sophisticated, feel mysterious, and maybe text your ex a picture of your charcuterie board “by accident.”
Elaine Benes, If You’re Listening…
Inspired by Seinfeld’s “The Vault,” Jo said:
“Once the drinks are flowing, the vault is open.” (If you know, you know.)
And baby, the drinks flowed.
But there was one BIG problem…
There was no door.
Kids could wander in.
Parents could wander in.
People who don’t get sarcasm could wander in.
Jo wanted to say bad words and drink fancy cocktails without an audience of toddlers eating fries nearby.
So she said:
“We need a vault door.”
Enter: Bryce Bryce Baby
The man.
The myth.
The contractor who puts up with Jo’s bullet-pointed Pinterest boards.
The vault door idea took a couple tries.
Some prototypes.
One mild meltdown.
Three trips to the hardware store.
But Bryce Bryce Baby nailed it.
(We expect his hands will be bronzed and displayed someday.)
Craft Cocktails, But Make Them Dramatic
Jo refused to serve “normal” drinks.
She wanted:
Smoke bubbles
Fancy flavors
Drinks you can’t pronounce but WILL order
A bubble gun that creates a little smoke sphere that pops right into your drink like Disney Imagineering meets Vegas nightlife
It’s ridiculous.
It’s fabulous.
It’s Jo.
The Secret Entrance
It took over a YEAR to get it figured out and installed.
Why? Because drama is on brand.
Now:
You walk up.
You pick up the vintage red phone.
And you Call Jenny.
(Yes, THAT Jenny.)
Then the door unlocks and boom —
You’re in The Vault, babe.
And Just When You Thought It Couldn’t Get Better…
Jo wanted more space behind the bar because two bartenders were basically playing a professional sport back there.
Bryce Bryce Baby (again, bless him) moved the ENTIRE BAR BACK.
He eliminated the hallway to Jo’s office.
He moved Jo’s office door.
He essentially said:
“Let mama have her speakeasy.”
Now it’s perfect:
Velvet curtains
Velvet couches
Velvet everything
Secrets
Sing-alongs
Naughty stories
Craft cocktails
The Last Stop outdoor lounge as the ONLY entrance
Adults behaving exactly how adults SHOULD behave when the kids aren’t around
Jo created a place where the lighting is flattering, the drinks are strong, and the vibes are slightly unhinged.
In Summary:
The Vault is where:
Parents reclaim their personality
Cocktails get theatrical
Chandeliers sparkle judgmentally
People sing 90s songs like their rent depends on it
Secrets stay secret
And Jo finally gets to drink and swear in peace
It went from “oak and parrots” to
“Gatsby meets Vegas meets Bruno’s.”
And honestly?
It’s perfect.
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